You can have had secure attachment as a child… and still feel destabilized after a narcissistic relationship. Because attachment isn’t fixed—it’s shaped by safety, rupture, and repair. When someone flips between affection and harm, intermittent reinforcement wires your nervous system to crave the very thing that hurts you. That confusion isn't just emotional—it’s physiological. Your system attaches to the inconsistency, and it starts to doubt what safety even feels like. This is what makes betra
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